Today a nurse practitioner came to my office to give me a physical for some life insurance. I need extra insurance because I now have on child and another along the way, and I’d feel really crappy when I died if I left my lovely Elaine in the lurch financially.

So, the first thing is my weight. I weighed myself this morning: 185 pounds. That is pretty good for me. I usually hover at 185, unless I work out and watch what I eat, and then I go up to 190.

My official insurance weight? 175 pounds. I lost ten pounds between here and work. Nice! She said that the scale is constantly calibrated. Whatever. That is my goal weight, so my diet of bleu cheese dunked buffalo wings for dinner and chocolate sauce covered ice cream for dessert seems to be working.

Then she measured my height: 5’ 11”. Now I know I’m 6 feet tall. I’ve been measure many times for the past five years and I’ve always been 6’. Where did that inch go? We measured it twice (second time: 5’ 11 3/4"). Feh. I guess that explains the weight loss.

I’m probably shorter because of the surgery. Even though I think I’m standing straight, I still my not be because of the pain in the stomach/groin area.

Whatever.

She then measured my waist. My goal for a long time has been 32”. I’d love to be 34”, and have been at 35” for quite a while. Recall that I can’t wear pants for a while because I can’t button them, so I’m expecting somewhere around 36” or 37”. Her measurement: 35”. This is making no sense at all.

My two chest measurements are 38 1/2" (no breath) and 41” (will full inhale). Normally there is only an inch difference. She said I have a good set of lungs and must be very vocal. That is so not me. I’m a quite demure mouse.

Next was blood pressure. She was impressed: 110/64. And this was while at work. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that almost everyone here is away on trips so I’m a bit stress free at the moment. Pulse was 57 beats per minute, with no irregularities.

The final tasks were the urine sample and the blood sample, which I won’t go into detail about.

In summary, I am an inch shorter, 10 pounds lighter, and 1” thinner that I thought I was.

Good thing it isn’t stressing me out.

On Sunday I did my first Second City Class performance (level C, which is the third level, to continue the alliteration).

I was recovering from my surgery nicely. Saturday I felt fine and even went for a walk outside with my son and Alison. But Sunday I didn’t feel well. Looking back, I guess I was nauseous. Apparently I didn’t look all that good either, but I felt well enough, barely, to perform. I would just be very careful and take it easy.

I got a very bad shock though when I got dressed. This was the first time I tried wearing pants, and I couldn’t button them. Okay, I could, but barely, and it put a lot of pressure there. So basically, except for the show itself, I left it unbuttoned and had the zipper up and my belt and tie camouflage me. It worked as no one said anything. When I asked, they couldn’t tell.

I wore my casual black suit, dark purple dress shirt, and for fun my yellow math tie. I like that outfit! Pj, our instructor, said I was a dweeb, and was pleased and impressed with my attire.

Since I had Elaine’s car with its automatic transmission, driving there wasn’t too difficult, and the theater was easier to find. It was the Farmington’s Players Barn. A nice small theater (can hold several hundred), but isn’t the permanent Second City site, which is still under construction.

After we ran T’s & B’s (tops and bottoms), we all went outside and did a full run through, and it seemed to go well. I then went off and sat down for a long time.

The show started fifteen minutes late. Looking through the curtains I could see Parsla out there, but that was it. Later I found out Natalie was there too. It was nice to have friends come and see me!

The other Level C went first (that was my original class, actually). There were five of them. We had to stay in the Green Room, so I couldn’t watch, but we could hear everything and they did very well. Lots of laughs and applause and I found them very funny. When they were on their last game (Blind Switch), we did very quite version of 8’s to warm up, then we went out into the wings. Within two minutes we were on.

Our first game was Conductive Radio. We all streamed out in a line, and I went on last. The audience suggested radio stations, and I got heavy metal. Pj said it was the best Conductive Radio we’ve done, and was pleased, and we got some pretty good laughs. I liked the game.

Everyone streamed off stage left, but I ducted out stage right. One guy stayed on stage to start the Hitchhiker game. I used a microphone off stage and continued the radio station until he mimed turning it off, starting the game. My routine was to be an old man. The fellow who came after me had us be German ballet dancers. The woman after that had us all be the Three Stooges. Tons of fun, and the audience liked the entire skit! Only six of us did this game.

Next was Steal a Line with the other six students, and I sat out and relaxed. They did very well, and were really good at keeping the flow going from one pair to another.

Our final game was Beginnings and Endings, where we fill in story, one line at a time in any order, from beginning and ending lines provided by the audience. For the life of me I can’t remember what the story was about now!!

(update: Thanks to Parsla, the lines are "Once upon a time, there was a muscrat." and "And then the bus full of nuns burst into flames."

We got lots of compliments afterwards. I have to admit: it was great being up on stage, under the lights, getting applause. The place was packed. I definitely want to do it again.

I stayed around to see the class D and E shows. Class D was pretty good. Class E was phenomenal. They also did actual skits, in addition to some games. I can’t imagine doing their stuff. I hope that in six months I will be able to imagine it!

The only disappointment was during the intermission, before the class E show, more than 70% of the audience just up and left. They missed a great show. I can’t understand why they wouldn’t stay the extra hour and be entertained. I know they were probably their just to see their friends and family, but still…don’t most people want to see a show just to, well, see a show?

I felt I did okay. My class was great, but I could have been better. Then again, that is what everyone thinks.

When I drove home, I wasn’t doing so hot. I changed into my bathrobe and fell asleep almost instantly. I was doing much better the next day.

And now, as long as I don’t cough or sneeze, I’m fine.

Patrick is right. He did really help out a lot, but Alison is the one going way above and beyond here. She’s been over since Elaine left on Thursday, and has been taking care of me and Marcus. Mainly Marcus, but still me a bit. I am amazed.

Marcus seems to be enjoying himself and having fun, and that is always a good thing. And Alison just adores children, especially babies, so she’s having a grand old time. I can’t thank Alison enough, though I’ve been trying. Chocolate seems to be helping.

And me? I’m slowly getting better. Yesterday I felt like scum.

Here is the story. We ordered pizza.

(An aside: I used www.pizzahut.com’s online order form, and it was fantastic. No mistakes, no calling and being put on hold, no having to repeat everything, and the food arrived in thirty minutes.)

When the delivery guy arrived, we both were in the computer room, and since standing and sitting is still an adventure for me, I had Alison handle the credit card. So, what does the delivery guy see? A slug on his computer who makes his pregnant wife get up, carry the food, and bring the receipt to him to sign. Nice.

I’m feeling a ton better today. I can walk with almost no problem. Standing and sitting are getting much easier. I took a long luxurious shower, and shaved three days growth of beard off. Yesterday, I discovered that all my plumbing is working problem.

In fact, I was feeling quite good about my recovery. Until I had to cough.

Good god, that pain was incredible. I had something in my throat and my automatic reaction was to cough, hard. And when I did, my stomach exploded, my eyes bugged out and tears went everywhere. I clutched my stomach and doubled over.

I think I’ll give up coughing until 2007.

The good news is that my hernia area in my groin was unaffected, and my stomach should be fine, if still swollen, so I doubt I did any permanent damage. Still, it was quite a shock.

Two steps forward, one step back.

I’m going to try walking a bit today, and tomorrow I’ll take a short walk outside and see how things are going.

Hopefully, I won’t have to walk backwards.

I feel okay. Well, relatively speaking.

I’m coherent, a bit tired, hungry, and in a pretty good mood.

(Warning: I’m about to way over share here.)

I’m also in terrible pain around my stomach area (but only half as much in my groin), I want walk fully erect, and it is hard for me to get around.

That last part is the worst because soon after I got home, I started to pee like a pregnant woman: every five minutes I was getting up to go to the bathroom. I should have known something was up at the hospital when the nurse was surprised with how long it took and little I gave her.

I made up for it at home. I’d pee, stop, pause, start again, on and on and on. When I think I was done, I wouldn’t be. Eventually I gave up and just stayed on the toilet for a half hour, constantly peeing.

I arrived home at 1 PM (the anesthetic really hit me; they kept calling me a lightweight), and the peeing stopped at around 4:30 or so.

Now I just have to pee every 45 minutes. This is a huge improvement. After that I was even to take a nap.

Enough about that. The surgery itself went extremely well, as they told Elaine. I was in there for a full two hours. Now I just have to be good for six weeks so I can avoid going back again.

Another side effect is that my throat is killing me from the tube they put down my throat. That should go away in a couple of days. I’m hoping it is tomorrow.

My in-laws stopped by to bring my chocolate. Always a good thing!!

Hmmm, I think I’ll go to bed soon.

Oh, and a very big thank you to Patrick for coming over at 5:30 AM to babysit Marcus while Elaine took me to the hospital. Talking about going above and beyond!

I wanted to talk about my last Second City improv class. Detail how much fun it was, how well our show rehearsals went, and that I thought our show on Sunday was going to be pretty good.

But all I can think about is the surgery tomorrow.

I’m not really worried, just tense. I’m tense about the surgery itself, and even more concerned that it will get cancelled again.

Heck, I haven’t even gotten the call back to let me know what time the surgery is supposed to happen!

So my mind just keeps going back to that. I’m getting work done, making phone calls, and I’m thrilled that it is happening tomorrow. But I just can’t stop dwelling on it.

I’m ready for the surgery now. It is hard to concentrate while waiting for the phone call.

Sigh.

Update: Just got word, the surgery is on! I have to be there at 6 AM (which means leaving the house at 5:30 AM). If everything goes okay, I could leave by 11 AM or so. Yay! I'm so excited!!

Marcus got to have a fun new experience last night. Leaving Elaine at home to get some sleep, the Marcus Man and I went out to Ann Arbor’s Top of The Park, part of their Summer Festival program.

For almost a month, music and movies are presented in downtown Ann Arbor (more like the middle of the University) on the roof of a multilevel parking garage.

Surprisingly, it is a very nice spot.

The event is free, in the open air, and various stores have set up booths selling food. Since it is Ann Arbor, it isn’t fast food, but places like the Organic Leaf and Twig, or Anything Green Shakes. Companies also have tents set up for private and public parties so they can impress others with how well they provide shade.

We met up with some friends who made the appropriate cooing noises at Marcus. My son seemed have a good time.

As there was no regular ice cream flavors like chocolate or vanilla, he got to smear French Silk Chunky Monkey Bits ice cream all over his face and clothes. He also got out of his stroller and went running all around the lot: in front of the stage, behind the stage, under the stage, in the roped off areas, on the ropes themselves, under chairs, and on top of people. He found the most interesting people. I was especially impressed by all the tat-covered pierced bikers who thought Marcus was incredibly cute and funny. Especially when he would point at a nipple ring and exclaim, “Dada!”

The best part was when Fonn Mhor started playing. They are a, um…well…I guess I’d have to call them a Celtic rock band. They played a variety of interesting musical instruments (you’d have to see a Gamelan for a wider variety), including an electric violin, odd types of drums, a huge flute, and other strange things, in addition to regular guitars and a drum set. My favorite was the drummer, who during one piece put down her sticks and played everything with her hands.

Marcus adored the music. He was clapping along and smiling for a good twenty minutes before he decided he wanted to run around and find out what happens when you stand in puddles of water and touch amplifier cables.

All in all, it was a great way to spend a father and son night together.

Assuming everything goes according to plan, my surgery will take place on the 22nd, and I’ll be well enough by that Sunday, the 27th, to perform with my class at Second City. So, I’m letting people know.

Here is the information.

All the Second City classes from level C (mine) on up are having their class performance shows on Sunday, June 27th, at 2 PM until around 5 PM at the Farmington Players Barn Theater, in south-east Michigan. I believe the cost is $5, and you can get tickets at the door.

My class will be one of the first (probably at 2:20 PM)
and we have a 20 minute time slot. I will be in three out of the four skits. They aren't very physical, so as long as everything goes well on the Tuesday before, I should be fine.

I believe that nine classes are performing. I went to the last one of these, and the quality level ranged from okay to very funny. I'm hoping my class will be on the funny end of the spectrum! My class and the other novice ones will be doing mainly improv games, while they later ones do full skits.

If you can't make it, that is fine as I am planning to take more classes and should be doing at least two more shows in the next half year. I'd love to see friendly non-heckling encouraging faces there for my first show.

The Farmington Players Barn Theater is located at 32332 W. 12 Mile Rd. Farmington Hills MI 48334 Located on the North side of 12 Mile Road, Between Orchard Lake Road and Farmington Road.

I've never been to this theater, and this is the temporary place for Second City until their theater is complete (they way things are going, this should be sometime in the next decade).

Marcus is on the cusp of speaking.

The emotional part of me is terrified. What is he going to say? What is he going to repeat? What words are my friends going to gleefully teach him? I have the feeling I’m going to miss these non-verbal times.

The intellectual part of me is excited. I can tell that he is making many more sounds now, and saying parts of words. Here are some (but not all) of them:

That last one is tough. He’ll point at things and ask me what it is. Quite frankly, I’m not sure how to answer.

For example, I have a cup of water, and he’ll point at it and ask me what it is. Here are the possible answers: cup, glass, white, water, liquid, handle, drink, container, hard, hot, cold, thirsty, heavy, grab…

It goes on and on. He asks me about dice: dice, die, numbers, color, number, triangles…

Everything in the world has more than one name or description. Even Pythagoras is more than his name: cat, orange, fur, paws, head, pet, boy, head, ear, eye…

Quite the eye opener, to really think about how many different ways there are to describe objects in the world. I’m not sure what exactly to say to Marcus. I just try to be consistent, and hope that he picks up more words and concepts.

While scary, it will be very cool when he can talk in full sentences.

Until then, I’ll keep striving to make sure he doesn’t poke Pythag’s eye out when he points at his head.

I have a new date for surgery: June 22nd. That is a Tuesday, and I think I’ll need to be there around 6:30 AM. Oh well, as long as it happens.

Unlike last time, I’m not nervous about the surgery (much). I’m more nervous that it will get cancelled again! Ah well…I’m hopeful.

My Second City show is that following Sunday (June 27th). If people want to know the details, let me know. I’m not going to send out an open invitation since even if I can perform, I won’t be doing much. I’d rather drag people out there for the next show when I can actually do more. If you still want to come anyway, please let me know.

In other good news, my blog blacklist got it’s first kill yesterday! Yay!! Take that you spammers!!

My last improv class with Richard Goteri was on Monday. The previous class, three weeks ago, was horrid.

This one, fortunately, was fantastic. We had an amazing set. Our routines gelled and we did the four steps naturally, getting to the core of each scene. Timing was great and, not surprisingly, the bits we did were quite funny.

I’m going to miss this class. I’ve learned a ton, and I think I’ve improved as a performer. I think that, if things settle down in other areas, I’ll go back and learn some more from him.

His classes were worth the 59 mile drive!

On Saturday the family attended two parties, and Marcus was involved in both.

The first was a birthday party for one his daycare buddies. She turned two, and her family invited everyone over for cake and play. It was very fun to see all those people outside of daycare. The little girl likes me a lot. She greets me when I come over to pick Marcus up, and loves to wear my hat. What a cutie.

Marcus seemed to have an excellent time. We walked to their place. They are less than three blocks away. I was amused when the directions from randmcnally.com started out with “Go 70 feet north on Brentwood, and turn right.” Directions down to two one-hundredths of mile is pretty impressive!

After that and a quick small dinner, we went over to Kay’s for a small get together. Our friend Maria was visiting from England, and we saw a bunch of people we don’t really get to see, and they got to see Marcus, too. Chris and Lari’s daughter got along with Marcus fabulously, and I adored watching them interact.

For the most part, Marcus seemed to be in a good mood, and ate a lot of the food that Kay had out. It was a fun new place to explore. He felt like moving their small end tables around, which I found to be very odd behavior.

He’s now almost 18 months old, which boggles my mind. Didn’t we just bring him home yesterday?

Elaine and I are noticing some interesting changes in him. His cognitive ability is going up. He is understanding “no!” and not liking it. He is saying more partial words, and it wouldn’t surprise me if he started to really talk soon and put a few words together. Then again, if it takes a few more months, that is fine too.

We play a sort of catch now, and he loves typing on the keyboard. I bring up a blank word document, and use the mouse to close any other windows he brings up. I’m going to have to find some computer software for him soon. Sam’s club has some, so I’ll look next time I go.

In other news…

I’m going to Wright Patterson Air Force Base tomorrow and Wednesday for business, by car. Should be a fun meeting. I get to see cool tech stuff.

I can constantly feel the area around my hernia. That isn’t a good sign. I still don’t know the date of the surgery. There is a chance it will be on the 22nd of June. If not, it will be on July 6th. While July 6th is more convenient for my schedule, I’d still rather get it done as soon as possible.

Since updating my blog software on Friday, I have not gotten one spam message on this site. I’m quite disappointed. I’ve been waiting to get something and either a) see the notification that it was blocked, or b) use the new features to wipe it out and block future spams of the same type. But, I’ve gotten nothing.

It is as if I bought a gun for home defense, and I haven’t had the opportunity to blow anyone’s brain out because nobody has bothered to rob me.

Seriously, where is the fun in that?

Thanks to Patrick, I have successfully installed the latest version of Movable Type. And also, with a link he gave me, I now can blacklist certain comments from ever reaching my page.

Here is the reason: in some of my very very old entries, I'm getting spam from drug and morgage and porn sites trying to use these pages to up their Google search hits. I can delete them manually, but it is a pain, and it will only get worse.

With this installed, I should not only be able to delete them earlier, but also stop them from reposting with the same URL. I'm not talking about where they post from, but the actual URL they are trying to advertise!

May as well get them where they hurt.

So, the first comment will be from me, because my email notification should change too.

To me, whenever I flush a toilet, I feel like a miracle has taken place.

Think about it. You can unload the worst load of crap, piss, and other disgustingly smelly things you don’t want to think about into a bowl of water, and with the press of just one level, it is all swept away in a carefree swirl.

With modern public toilets, you don’t even have to touch anything. Just stand up, and the proximity sensor notices that you are all done and whisks your deposits away for you.

I wish I had a toilet for all the problems of life.

Imagine if you kept getting hounded by salespeople on your phone? Just flush them down that metaphoric toilet, and they’ll never bother you again.

People making it so you can’t get things done? One flush and they are gone, treated, and brought back as useful products for society. Or at least fertilizer.

Don’t like the service you are getting? Flush. All better.

All that clutter in your house? All gone.

Snide comments and stupid gossip? Throw it right there in the bowl with all that other crap.

Politicians telling lies in their commercials again? Just flush them down the toilet. Might need some air freshener, but at least most of it is gone.

A real-life problem disposing toilet has become what I most want in this world. A place where I can figuratively dump all my stress and worries, and have them magically disappear.

Just please, don’t ask me to clean it. That would be gross.

This past weekend, Elaine and I did something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time.

No no, not that. She’s pregnant, so that wouldn’t count for “a long time.”

On Monday, for our Memorial Day holiday, we did a bit of spring-cleaning.

I know. I’m a wild man, living on the edge, but hey, we all have goals.

This list wasn’t very big:
· Clean and organize both coat closets.
· Turn the baby seat around in my car.
· Clean the insides of each sofa, and under them.
· Clean the fridge.
· Organize the pantry.
· Organize the kitchen foodstuffs.

The last three Elaine and I did together.

The fridge was kinda disgusting. We didn’t find much too toss, but enough that we now have a lot more shelf space. I also took the opportunity to clean all the shelves (by hand, a few at a time), and it looks much better in there.

The pantry was fun. Just by straightening things up we have tons more space, especially on the floor. We can once again walk inside and access everything.

However, the most amazing bit of cleaning was with the kitchen items. What really got to me was the amount of stuff we were able to throw away. I think it has to have been at least three full shelves of things. We found items that were around since we moved a few years ago.

We also found Atkins baking stuff that we never touched. Old fortune cookies (no idea how they got there.) Spoiled medicines that we really shouldn’t be taking. Things like that. I think we filled two trash bags with all the junk we got rid of. We now have tons of unused shelf space, and it is much easier to find things.

If felt good. A few hours of work with a large payoff.

I think my next task is the den, which I’ll probably tackle this weekend since I’m still able to do heavy lifting.

My good friend Karen graduated a few weeks ago and went to a good job in South Carolina.

I met her a few years ago though the regular Buffy night gatherings. She is a very fun and interesting person (I’d mention how hot she is, but that might be considered rude…), and somehow over the years we started talking more and become friends. I’ve taken her shopping on occasion, and we have nice fun long talks.

And then she moved away.

Sigh.

Ah well. She has a blog, so I can find out about her life. And she’s very good at responding to email, so that’s even better. Best of all, she plans to visit, and that makes us all happy.

The Saturday before the left (two Saturdays ago) Elaine and I threw her a nice small party, where lots of games eaten and food was played. Or maybe it was the other way around. I’m not sure, as drinking occurred.

This time, for the party, I tried to not buy too much cheese. As everyone knows, I always have way too much cheese. Not only can’t I eat all the leftovers, but my friends complain to be about constipation and blocked colons.

It isn’t my fault. I just have a problem with buying too much cheese.

I did find out something wonderful. If you use a cheese slicer, the Gouda tastes incredibly good. So good, in fact, that I finished it off and bought another five pound hunk. Yummy.

I should have sent some cheese back with Karen. I didn’t think about it while we stayed up late talking.

I wish her all good luck with her job and new life.

We got a call last night at 2:30 AM telling us that my surgery has to be postponed due to an emergency. We have no idea what happened or why. I just hope that the doctor and staff are fine.

Thank you Jeff for confirming things this morning.

I should hear this afternoon when the new date for surgery is.