With everything that is going on, I’ve decided to not have a theme for this year’s party. I’m too busy to even prep for such a thing, and quite frankly, I can’t top last year’s party, so I don’t even want to try.

So instead, you are all invited on Saturday night, Oct 30th, to just a regular costume party at our house, starting around nightish. There will be no prizes, just lots of food, drink, games, and wonderful company.

I even think I’ll have people do some Improvisational stuff if they’d like to try. Just some cool warm-up fun games.

The standard rule of “you can’t wear your own SCA garb” is still in effect.

So, come one and come all! If you aren’t sure, just drop an email.

I hope to see you there!

The other day, before my trip, I was thinking that it might be interesting to live in Ohio. That way I could see all those campaign commercials that only a battleground state gets to see.

Michigan isn’t really a battleground state. Sure, both Presidential candidates are still campaigning here, but we aren’t a swing state. Odds are Michigan is going to Kerry, and most pundits agree. So I’m not expecting tons of ads here.

However, I was in Florida, and that is still considered a battleground state. And indeed, the ads were fast, heavy, and full of slinging. Even during odd hours there would be campaign ads, and I saw a ton of them.

The bad news, for me anyway, is that the ones I saw from Bush seemed better. Mainly it was his “Agenda for America” ads where he spells out exactly what he plans to do (for the economy, or Iraq). Whether I agree with his plans or not, I am impressed that he has them, and am ticked off that, up until very recently, Kerry seems to still be talking in generalities.

I hope Kerry gets to the point, and quickly.

If you want to see the ads I’m talking about, watch national news programs, like NBC Nightly News, or Meet the Press (Sunday, 10:30 AM on NBC) and the like.

Then again, if you want to avoid all that, but want to find out what is really going on behind the scenes, then check out the Daily Show, on Comedy Central (weeknights, 11 PM).

Yes, that’s me. Hypocritical and pathetic.

I boasted that, when I have kids, I would not buy them gifts when I go on business trips.

Why?

Because if I did, they’d be expecting me to bring home presents every single time. They wouldn’t look forward to seeing me, they’d look forward to the gift. So I resolved to be firm, and strong, and stick to my resolutions.

So much for my resolve.

On my way back from Orlando, I stopped in the Disney store at the airport. You never know what cool new Little Mermaid stuff I’d find that I’d want for myself (and no, there was absolutely nothing). But what did my eye spy?

I saw the most adorable Tigger cup. One that wouldn’t break when dropped, and might help Marcus get beyond sippy cups and the like. Also, he adores Tigger.

I couldn’t resist.

So that is why I’m hypocritical and pathetic. I couldn’t resist buying my son gift.’

I’m so glad to be home.

The conference is almost done. I did my two talks, and they went pretty well. It is good when people come up afterwards and say, “Hey, I liked your talk,” and “Wow, you weren’t boring at all,” and “Hey, do you know where the bathroom is?”

I dressed up in my new sport coat and tie outfit. I did something different, though. I wore a black shirt instead of a white one. It is something I’ve never done before, but the nice people at Men’s Warehouse knew I was gullible and said I’d look good in it. Surprisingly, they were right, and I think the outfit came out very well. I’ll have to wear it for Elaine sometime soon!

This is a very casual conference, but I figured that for talks I like to dress up and present a classy appearance. Next year I’ll be sure to bring more causal stuff. They had a slide in their opening presentation that basically said “no ties” and “no heels,” and, most importantly, “definitely not at the same time.” Which is a shame because I have a set of pumps that go well with my black shirt.

Today there are a few workshops that I’ll sit in on. You never know who you will meet and what connections can be made. But earlier I took the lunch hour to hang out in the Florida sun and juggle by the pool.

It was relaxing and refreshing.

I’m still amazed at how little preparation goes into presentations. These are very smart people, and many of them just don’t know how to present information. Some do, and they are really rude to the rest of us who are trying to catch up on our sleep.

But anyway, here are ten ways to make sure you give an incredibly boring, poor, and dull talk.

1. Wear casual clothes, preferably ripped jeans and a stained t-shirt. People who wear a suit are showing pride in their work, so they obviously are trying to hide something. Oh, it is also wise to skip any personal grooming activities before you talk. Bad breath means less people bothering you after your presentation.
2. Speak softly. Why would you want anyone to hear what you have to say? As long as you talk loudly enough so you can hear your own words, that’s good enough.
3. Mumble your words. This is a preventative measure, just in case you get too excited and raising your voice.
4. Read directly from your slides. Be nice to the people. If you read your slides word for word, you save them the chore of trying to read your presentation themselves.
5. Make sure each slide has minimal white space. Lots of words make you look smart. Be sure to avoid bullets and numbers. In fact, avoid hitting the return key, or even the space bar.
6. Do not use figures. Everyone uses figures in their presentations. Be unique!! Besides, it helps people work on their imagination, such as imagining why they even wanted to come to your talk.
7. Avoid eye contact with the audience. Look at your shoes or your notes. That way people who are sleeping won’t be embarrassed.
8. Don’t practice your talk. Presentations come off far better if you do it for the first time. Fumbling over your explanations adds an air of spontaneity that really excites academia.
9. Give answers that have nothing to do with what was asked. This is perfect practice for your future political career!
10. Insult your colleagues. You are obviously smarter than everyone else in the room. So dismiss their work as irrelevant, and detail why your work has proved that their whole career has been a waste of water and oxygen.

I wish I were kidding, but I’ve actually seen all of the above things (usually many at the same time) at ever conference I’ve been to.

I’m walking, and pretty confident with where I’m going and how things are. I’m smart, with knowledge and abilities that support me. The land around me in a nice meadow, safe and serene. I see buildings in the distance, places that I want to go.

There are obstacles. Some are close, but I can avoid them with some quick thought. I have tools to tackle those problems and get by.

Others are far away, and I can adjust my path accordingly.

I don’t rush, but I move with a purpose, with confidence, with calm, with assurance that I … KABLAM!

I’m launched into the air, and explosion suddenly disintegrating my left leg up to my thigh and I crash, breaking one of my arms and giving me a concussion.

What the hell happened? Now I’m bleeding, missing a limb, and straining to keep my eyes open. Dazed, I still try to keep moving. I look around carefully. It still seems safe. I pull myself up on my one good leg and hop forward, trying to reach that rock up ahead to rest, just for a …

KABLAM!

I’m thrown twenty feet. The other leg is gone and most of my guts are falling out. My entire body is bruised and I barely know which way I’m going or what is happening.

When did I walk into this damn minefield, and how the hell am I supposed to get out of it.

I just lay there, maybe if I do nothing then I’ll be safe. I shift my good arm slightly…

KABLAM!

My bleeding body is launch into the air and then slams into the ground…

KABLAM!

I’m basically just dead flesh, separated into barely recognizable body parts that continuously fall back down to earth only to get launched back up from the force of more explosions.

KABLAM! KABLAM! KABLAM!

This goes on for hours.

Long week.

Wrote a white paper in two days (think of it as a pre-proposal) on a topic I had to crash study. One of those days I was at an all day conference, and I still got it done. I spent almost every night at work this week (though my friends who work with me spent more).

I’m now in Florida, doing the “please no more hurricane” dance. I be here all week giving papers and doing the “grip-and-grin” at our booth.

I need to sleep.

I miss my family.

I finished reading Cryptonomicon. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in cryptography, WWII, or even just well written fiction books.

The book clocks in at 1130 pages. So what book am I reading now?

The fifth Harry Potter book, which clocks in at 870 pages.

Ugh.

Then again, I’m ripping through the HP book, even though I don’t like it nearly as much.

(Why don’t I like it as much? The cute stuff is no longer cute. I find their view of ‘muggles’ more annoying than ever. They discount the modern world they live in. The adults are acting like idiots. The way magic works just doesn’t make any sense to me. However, I do like it a bit too: the characters, the interactions, and parts of the story, so I’m continuing with it.)

The question is, how come I’m reading it so much faster? The answer, my friends, is font size.

One page in the Harry Potter has (hardcover, approximately 65 characters per line and 32 lines per page) 2,080 characters per page.

One page in the Cryptonomicon has (softcover, approximately 60 characters per line and 40 lines per page) is 2,400 characters per page.

So each HP page is 5/6th a Crypto page.

So, in real terms, HP is 65% of Crypto.

I still think I’m getting through the book much faster. Maybe it is because Crypto is far more complex than HP. HP has just as many weird words, but I don’t need to think nearly as much.

I didn’t think it would happen so soon, but it did, and I couldn’t be happier!

William Shatner won an Emmy for guest supporting actor! Hurray!!!

This is fantastic. Sure, he deserved it a long time ago, but hey, better late than never. All you nay-sayers out there who make fun of his alleged toupee can now bask with me in the glow of the bright light of his acclaimed acting ability.

Next on the list: I’m hoping he gets a Grammy for his new album.

Way to go, Bill!!

The other day my friend Parsla sends me an email. “Hey, wanna go to the Bridal Show with me at the Silver Dome?”

Hmmm.

No sense in denying it, I said, “Heck yes!” Why? Cause I’ve never done that before, it would be fun to spend the day with Parsla, I was curious, I could see lots of pretty dresses, and they’d have tons of cake for me to eat.

If they had computer games, I think my day would have been complete.

Now, I’m not in the bridal party for Parsla’s wedding. I think I’m going to be an usher (but not a groomsman), which is cool. But for today at the show, I got to be an honorary bridesmaid. Woohoo!

I took my duties seriously. I looked on line to find out about these shows. Apparently they are very well attended and crowded, and you can find information about bands, DJs, food, sites, gowns, flowers, cake, alcohol, travel, and decorations. There are lots of prizes there, so you’ll be writing down your name and address a lot. Websites recommend that you print address labels (including the wedding date, email address, and phone) ahead of time. Which I did, for both of us.

I drove to Parlsa’s, and she took us to the Palace (that is funny, no…a bridal show at a palace) in a car that she borrowed from work. For some odd reason she’s allowed to just borrow cars at will because she works in the automotive industry. That is a pretty cool perk! I’m only allowed to borrow killer robots from my place of work, and what use are those?

Parking cost $10, which was a bit expensive. The lot wasn’t full, but inside…oh my god, was it packed. There was this huge line that snaked around the whole lobby, back and forth, filled with hundreds of people.

Make that, hundreds of women. I could easily see most of the men there: they were usually taller and stood above the sea of girls quite easily. I figured that the female to male ratio was 25:1. Not a bad place for a guy to be!

Still, that line was scary. The lines to get our tickets were very short, and Parsla got some coupons online so we were able to get in for free.

Instead of trying to cut in front, we decided to be good and wait in that long line. Wait was the operative word. I think it was forty minutes before we snaked back around to the exit doors and even began going in the right direction. And then at that point, something odd happened.

The lines splintered and fell apart. It was one big mob, and because we waited in line, we were in the back, instead of the front if we had just waited by the ticket booth.

Crud.

I move us over to the far left, and that was a smart move because that was, literally, the only entrance point. It was frustrating. You’d see only three women climbing the stairs every ten seconds. It was a huge bottle neck, and it took us another half hour to get through.

Of course, we finally did, and we got our first bridal magazine, along with three raffles we could enter (well, the bride could enter), so the address labels already came in handy.

Up at the top, in the huge circular hall way, there was only one way we could go, and once again it was a bottleneck. A sea of estrogen that we had to make our way through. The good news is that Parsla and I didn’t have any reason to stop by every booth. She already had a place picked out, and her gown, so we just looked quickly at many of them and move on.

We did eat cake though, a ton of it. And it was really good! My favorite food place was the chocolate fountain. How decadent! If it didn’t cost $295 (for the small one, and only for three hours!), I’d rent one for our Halloween or New Year’s parties. They are a blast! Rivers of chocolate that you stick fruit, pastries, and cookies in. The fluid was Ghirardelli chocolate. Delicious!

Some of the place settings and accessories were neat, such as the ice sculptures that had real flowers inside. Surprisingly, there were very few apparel places. I expected a ton more.

We snaked our way around and signed up for lots of prizes. I guess we’ll find out if we won anything. Most were useful to just Parsla, like discounts on DJs and the like. But some were great for me too, like a free dinner for two at a nice restaurant, or a free massage, or, best, a TV and DVD player! I hope I win that!

One thing that was odd, though I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised, was that people assumed that I was the groom, engaged to Parsla. We’d tell them that I was her bridesmaid, and they’d either just take it in stride, laugh, or not pay an attention. Eventually we just gave up and when they wished us a happy wedding day, I’d just say, “Thank you.”

We made our way around pretty quickly, filling out raffles and tasting lots of food. We were feeling bloated. Before we got to where we started, there were no more booths and we were told to make our way down to the main floor of the Palace.

I have to talk about this. The person who told us where to go was a nice young lady who worked for the whole Bridal Show, and so of course she had a uniform. This uniform hit all my buttons. She’s wearing a veil (that doesn’t cover her face) that frames her hair, which hangs down long, like alcoves. She’s wearing a nice white halter top, and a short white skirt, with thick high heeled strapy white sandals, and sparkly bridal jewelry (with tiara holding the veil in place).

Gulp.

I loved that look. I mean, I really loved it. I think that if Elaine ever wants to easily turn me on, she should just wear that type of outfit for me. I think she still has her wedding veil too.

I’m not sure why it affected me this way, but it did. This wasn’t a particularly sexy outfit, I guess, but it hit all of my buttons. Maybe it is because I think of brides as ‘nice’ girls, or something, and that is a big turn on for me.

Parsla pulled me away from her and we made our way downstairs.

Half of the floor was taken up by the fashion show. The other half was, well, once again, sparse.

I picked up a rose for Elaine, and we saw some of the same types of vendors that we saw above. One new vendor was a tuxedo place, the one that Parsla’s fiancé was using. They had one of those money booths where money swirls around with lots of air and you try to grab it. If you did it, the money you got (coupons) was totaled up and taken off of your final bill. Since they were using this place anyway, Parsla let me go in and try it out.

It is a lot harder than it looks. You aren’t allowed to push the money against the glass, nor can you stuff it in your clothes or pockets. Only what is in your hands are you allowed to keep. So I grabbed with one hand and stuffed with another.

I did pretty well, though, finding two $20 bills and getting $56 off her bill. Not too shabby!

The bridal gown and tuxedo show was okay. It was nice to sit, but by that time we were tired and not really interested in watching pretty girls and handsome boys strut around on a stage, so we were able to get out after only being there for a total of three hours or so.

The show itself was a bit of a disappointment. It wasn’t put together well, and we expected there to be a lot more. Bigger, tons of stuff. Maybe my technology shows have spoiled me, and I expected too much.

We did have fun though, and it was a totally new experience for the both of us.

I doubt I’ll ever go again.

Well, unless those Bridal Show girls are there.

A little out of date, but I figure that instead of writing about my frustrations with Microsoft Word, all the proposals I’m writing, and the prep work I have for the trips coming up, I figured I’d discuss something that made me pleased and happy about our government.

There was an aspect of the 9-11 report that I found refreshing. No, not about the report itself, or the horrible event that lead to the need for it to be written.

It is this: when the report was finished, all ten people on the committee, five Republicans and five Democrats, agreed with everything in the report and signed it. Because this report was so important to our country (if not the world), they put their politics aside and made sure they published something with real discoveries and recommendations, and they all stood behind it together.

I compare that to the Supreme Court decision about the 2000 Presidential Election, which wasn’t unanimous, and instead was split along party lines, five to four. Who the Supreme Court chose wasn’t critical to me. I would have been much happier if they were united in their decision than to be divided like that.

At least the 9-11 Commission got that part right.

Amazing, William Shatner is no longer just a Star Trek actor. He’s everywhere, doing everything (with respect to the arts, at least).

Take a gander at this:

• The first season of Shatner’s Star Trek is out on DVD, showing the thespian in his prime.
• He’s up for, I kid you not, an Emmy for his guest starring role in “The Practice.”
• He is now going to star in a spinoff of the Practice, called “Boston Legal,” as lawyer Danny Crane.
• And, best of all, he’s got a new music CD coming out called Has Been!!

Not bad for a guy who everyone says can’t act or sing, no?

For a while he was having a hard time finding work, but he did something that I think changed it all. He accepted “Captain Kirk.” Instead of trying to put “Star Trek” behind him, he realized that it was a part of what made him the person he is today.

And he built on it. He went to conventions, he wrote books, he took roles in movies that poked fun at his persona. One of them, Free Enterprise, was an amazingly well done movie, and I seriously recommend it to all.

Then he started getting real parts in films, like Miss Congeniality and Showtime.

At the risk of sounding really geeky (and yes, it is too late for that), his career is now moving at warp speed.

Go get ‘em, Bill.

I’m feeling industrious this weekend. I was at work today (Saturday) writing proposals. I’ll be in again other times this weekend.

I updated the Marcus pictures (see the link to the left). I hadn’t done that since March. Sorry about that.

Other things are getting done too. Paying bills, some Society Exchequer work, and I’m building up my entertainment skits and practicing them at least a few times every week. I’m trying for every day, but sometimes I’m just way too exhausted.

I’ve also carefully, very carefully, started exercising again. I’m doing some abdominal workouts, and after my trip to Florida later this month, I’ll go back to doing aerobics.

I’m going to be traveling a ton for the rest of the year. My last trip was fun, though. I went down to Dayton (Wright Patterson Air Force Base, to be exact), which is where Kara now lives. She drove 26 miles to have dinner with me, and it was nice seeing her. I have to admit, though, I have a hard time believing she is a computer geek: she looks too good.

Ah well. My wife is geeky too. She likes science fiction and stuff, and she’s hot also. Amazing!!

I have to disagree.

On of the implications at the RNC is that Democrats will not have the strength to go after terrorists, especially if the U.S. has to go it alone.

Times make the person. In response to the tragedy of 9-11, Bush was able to show his strength by uniting the world and going after the Taliban in Afghanistan.

There was a time in the not so distance past where a Democrat was faced with a crisis of at least the same magnitude, and that President showed his determination and will. The Soviet Union was building secret missile bases near the United States, literally 90 miles away from the coast of Florida.

He could have let it go. He could have invaded. He could have gone to the United Nations.

Instead, right or wrong, he showed leadership, blockaded Cuba, and demanded that the Soviets remove all the missiles. Khrushchev authorized the use of tactical nuclear weapons if the U.S. attacked Cuba.

Kennedy was prepared to use nukes also, and informed the world of that. The world was on the verge of a nuclear war. Eventually, after seven tense days, Khrushchev backed down.

Democrats, like Republicans … like, Americans, are not a weak people. We Americans are strong in our convictions and ideals. Kennedy has shown this for the Democrats. And if Republicans can call on the strong ghosts of Reagan and Lincoln, I think Democrats are allowed to call on JFK.

After listening to both the DNC and the RNC (but not Run DMC), I wish that someone, somewhere, would point out that Republicans are not the enemies of Democrats, and that the Democrats are not the enemies of the Republicans. And the enemy of both parties isn’t Ralph Nader.

The enemies are those who wish to destroy our country, our way of life, and our freedom.

I wish that one of the parties would have said that.

I’ve been enjoying watching both the Democratic National Convention (last month) and the Republican National Convention (this week).

For totally different reasons, of course.

Monday night surprised me. I like John McCain quite a bit, so I didn’t like his stumble when he took a cheap shot at Michael Moore. Moore was there as, get this, an editorial reporter for USA today. McCain made a claim about Moore’s movie, Fahrenheit 9/11, when he didn’t even see the movie.

But anyway, I was wondering what Moore thought about all the people booing him and the camera being pointed at him during the speech. That is when I realized that while I’m away on my business trip, the hotel gives out free copies of USA Today, so I could read the article.

Then I got even more clue and figured out that his editorial is online. It makes for an interesting read.

Yesterday I watched Arnold Schwarzenegger’s speech, and I have to admit I liked it. I don’t know if he wrote the speech or not, but he is an amazing orator. If he ran for president (yes, I know he can’t), I’d very seriously consider voting for him. One of the things that bothered me about his speech was the part where he asks “How do you know if you are a Republican?” The problem is that most of the stuff applied to all Americans, not just Republicans. Or at least it applied to moderates.

Let’s go through them for fun.

“If you believe that government should be accountable to the people, not the people to the government...” Sure, that sounds fine to me.

“If you believe a person should be treated as an individual, not as a member of an interest group...” Check, that one too.

“If you believe your family knows how to spend your money better than the government does...” Okay, in general, this is a Republican party platform, as they do push tax breaks (at least towards the rich). However, in moderation, I do agree with this. Wait, no I don’t. My family does not know how to best spend money to keep the highways paved, the country defended, and the courts running.

“If you believe our educational system should be held accountable for the progress of our children ...” I do, to a degree. I don’t agree with the “no child left behind” plan. I believe in equal opportunities, not forced equal results.

“If you believe this country, not the United Nations, is the best hope of democracy in the world ...” I would have to agree, as I’m not too keen on the United Nations of late.

“You have faith in free enterprise, faith in the resourcefulness of the American people ... and faith in the U.S. economy.” I have faith in all those things, although with the economy I am a realist (“I am an economic girlie man.”). The American economy is incredibly robust. But we can make it work better. Stop cutting taxes until the debt is under control, as an example.

So anyway, I agree with a lot of the points he made. But it was all rhetoric. He never said things like:

“If you believe that marriage is only between a man and a woman, then you are a Republican.”

“If you believe that Veteran’s benefits should be cut, then you are a Republican.”

“If you believe that abortion is always murder, then you are a Republican.”

I don’t believe in those things.

Quite honestly, though, I quite confident that many Republican’s don’t believe in those things either.